don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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