someone owes me an orgasm
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize