and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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