dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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