A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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