Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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