i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize