I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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