I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize