Having a random hookup so left but love u
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize