are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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