you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize