Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize