The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The power of my boobs compel you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize