Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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