Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize