Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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