Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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