Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
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I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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