so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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