so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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