what day is it and did you see me today?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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