Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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