Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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