i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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