is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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