I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize