Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
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Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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