When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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