I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize