There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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