apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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