i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize