We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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