mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize