i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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