I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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