I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize