Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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