At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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