I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize