I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize