tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
COCAINE IS GR8
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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