just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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