I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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