Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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