Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The ass gains better be worth it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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