So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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