Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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