dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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