went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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