Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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