That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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