Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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