he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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